September 27, 2010

How we met

It was roughly 22 years ago this time when Mike and I met for the first time. I was a young single mother of a just-starting-to-walk toddler. He was a somewhat newly divorced Marine 11 years my senior. I had grown up in Orange County, California but had a horrible itch to move away. I wasn't too keen on moving THAT far away but needed to broaden my horizons and try something new. I was this close to moving in with another single mom friend of mine but I was afraid our personalities would clash and living that close would permanently destroy our friendship. So I found a small place of my own in Oceanside, just outside the gates of Camp Pendleton MCB.
Within a few days I noticed this handsome Marine First Sergeant coming home late every evening looking a little tired after a long day. We had never spoken but occasionally exchanged a nodded hello or a smile. I assumed he had a family living in his apartment with him because his doormat indicated that and I noticed a little girl's bicycle just inside his door. But I never saw anyone else. Sometimes he would leave his door open a crack. Because I had one of the cheap apartments, with no balcony or patio, and therefore nowhere for my little girl to play, I would frequently take her outside to this concrete area between four apartments, including both of ours, and let her ride around on her little sit-and-walk cars (Fred Flintstone cars I always called them).
I remember one Saturday afternoon he was doing a high speed dub of a music tape for his daughter called "Music Box Dancer". My daughter must have thought Alvin and the Chipmunks were playing around in there and strolled right on into his apartment to see what was going on in there. This of course prompted a brief introduction. But a few days later when my 11 month old fell over backwards off of her little car and hit her head on the concrete, I needed to know where the nearest emergency room was. I was afraid she had a concussion and I was still unfamiliar with where everything was in this town. I knocked on Mike's door frantically asking him if he knew where it was. Mike actually didn't know either since he had access to the Naval Hospital and didn't use civilian facilities. This was before everyone had a computer at their fingertips to look anything up so he pulled out the phone book and started looking. He offered to drive us but I still didn't really know him yet. I felt he was certainly trustworthy but was still a little uncomfortable with that. Turned out, all was well with my little girl. After waiting about 3 hours in the waiting room of the ER she was finally up, running around and back to her old self. But that incident, as irritating as it was, was sort of how Mike and I began to know each other.
We were, of course, neighbors and started dating after that. I was still a struggling single mom so after several months he asked if my little girl and I would like to move in with him. He already had a second bedroom which had just become a giant closet for him. So we did. In late August of that year we got married. Initially we had planned waiting a bit to get married but his upcoming deployment had been moved forward a few months and so we moved the wedding date up as well. In the interim we started adoption proceedings using the services of base legal. By the time he returned from deployment all the paperwork was complete and we soon after finalized the adoption.
Definitely going through a six-month deployment just a couple months after getting married was not easy. But I'm not the first to go through it and certainly won't be the last. He returned home with orders to the reserve unit in Grand Rapids, Michigan, known as an I&I (Inspector & Instructor) and he would be the I&I First Sergeant. It was during our two year stay there that our daughter was born. After a which, we returned to Camp Pendleton for what turned out to be the last four years of his Marine Corps career.
The years went by so fast because they were filled with so much. There were great times and not-so-great times. But I wouldn't change a thing if given the chance.

September 24, 2010

Clothes

It's been four months now and yet it still is hard to give away Mike's clothes. I had done laundry the day before his passing so, with the exception of one shirt, his scent was gone from all of his clothes. I never did wash that shirt though. I can still detect a small scent of Mike on it to this day. I've cleared out a couple of his drawers in our dressers but most his clothes still remain and quite a few pairs of jeans still hang in the closet. I gave some old suits and quite a few pairs of jeans and button up shirts to the Goodwill somewhat reluctantly. There was this underlying feeling that he would come home and be upset that his clothes were gone. I know that that was ridiculous and it wasn't a conscious thought. I know with certainty that he would want me to move those things out and move on. Yet it's still hard to do so. Is that strange?

September 7, 2010

W.W.M.D.

Frequently I have moments when I wish Mike was here because he would know just what to do. He would know how to fix something that was broken or not working right or what to do about a difficult situation. He would be the one to assemble all those things with "some assembly required". I've had a week filled with trials and tests. It started on my return from a week away to find the giant carpenter ants were back and that I had a tire that kept going flat. I knew when I started out to drive to the tire place with my almost flat tire that Mike would have had a fit. So I turned around and got help changing it out just to get me back on the road. After returning from taking care of that my garage door broke! I thought someone had shot at me when the cable snapped. Mike had fixed 3 of those 4 springs over the last 13 years and would have known exactly what to do. I also have a shower door that is broken and will no longer close. This is also something Mike had repaired a couple times. I have to ask myself: What would Mike do? Would he fix it yet again or would he decide it's time to replace it? My guess is he would try to repair it again. He would have spent a few hours working on it, maybe cursed a bit in the process, but would eventually have it functioning properly again. I'm not good at fixing things and have little mechanical aptitude so my answer is to find someone who can either repair it or install a new one. But I sure wish Mike was here to take care of it. Although I hated for things to get broken because I knew he was not going to be happy about it, I never worried about the outcome because I knew he'd take care of it. Just another thing to miss about Mike.

There are also many times when I can predict what Mike would think or say about certain things. I KNOW that he never would be happy about me spending too much money. I KNOW that he would be upset if something got broken or soiled or messed up. I KNOW that he would not like seeing any dead spots in the back yard left by the dogs ("pee spots") or holes dug up by the dogs. I can usually guess what he'd be saying (or in some cases shouting) at certain news stories. But I also know when he would want me to give certain things of his to certain people. There are items of his I know he would want passed to certain special people. Although a part of me feels weird about giving any of his things away, in most cases I think he would want that. He was generous person and always ready and willing to help out his friends, family and neighbors. So sharing his things is one is what I think Mike would do.

September 4, 2010

OOO-rah!

Mike was a career Marine, having enlisted right after graduating from high school and heading off to boot camp on his 18th birthday. He was a Marine's Marine. In the civilian work force,Mike noticed the different work ethic right away. Civilians in general tend to only give the minimum required of them and expect plenty in return for that. Marine's always give 100% and rarely ask for much back. They work hard and give their all. Mike missed that a lot, probably more than anything because he always gave his all to everything he went after. If someone asked for his help, he was right there helping in any way he could. If someone needed a loan, he cracked open his wallet. He took every task seriously and was a perfectionist. Even just hanging pictures on the wall involved measuring tapes and levels. I must admit this could sometimes be annoying. But I always knew that Mike would make sure whatever it was, was done right. He could fix just about anything and never used duct tape or super glue (but sometimes a little Gorilla glue and cable ties). Everything he worked on was done right - from cutting the grass to shoveling snow off the driveway. If he repaired something, it was being repaired for good (not a quick fix).
The Marines lost a true hero when Mike decided to retire. He knew his job inside and out and put everything he had into it. And the Michigan Department of Corrections lost a truly fine corrections officer when he left his employment there just a couple short months before his death. I think a lot of people didn't appreciate the man until he was gone. That's sad and should be a lesson to everyone show your appreciation to those around you that you admire and respect. Make sure those you love know how you feel and always kiss your loved ones goodbye when they leave you. You may never get another chance.

September 1, 2010

Happy Birthday!

Thinking of Mike on what would be his 56th birthday. His birthday was exactly a week after our anniversary so two things to celebrate in close proximity. Mike was always humble about his birthday and never wanted to make a big deal about it. But we always tried to find him meaningful gifts - usually something related to fishing, hunting or Michigan Wolverine football - as well as making him a cake. I thought of making one for him this year but knew I'd be the only one eating it so I decided against it. Today will be a sad day for us.