As this will be our first Christmas without Mike, it will be a very difficult one. I've gone through a couple of Christmases without him in the past, due to deployments, but that was quite different. Although he was far away, he was reachable in one way or another. This year there is just no joy in it at all. I finally was able to start decorating but still no tree. We have an artificial tree. Real trees were so expensive in California that we decided to go the artificial route after moving there. He was very particular about how it was assembled, how the limbs bent at different angles, and especially how the lights were placed. Ok, he was anal about it. I helped a lot, of course, but it was his thing and I was glad to let him do it. My girls and I always decorated the tree afterward. He also would hang the icicle lights on the house. Again, he was very picky about how they went up and did a perfect job of it. I knew he didn't like doing it but he would do it for me. I don't think I will ever hang lights on my house again. I will eventually put the tree up but I'm not looking forward to it. I decorated as much as possible but it still does not feel like Christmas used to.
Christmas eve we always went to Christmas Eve services at church. Afterward the girls always picked out one gift to open. I'd try make things as cozy as possible with only the lights from the tree and different decorations, maybe some scented candles and a little Christmas music playing in the background. I dread this for this year because I know the night would be too sad to find any joy in that.
Christmas day was sometimes complicated if Mike had to work. He never had to work while on active duty (unless he was deployed of course). But while working at the prison it was rare that he had that day off. When on second shift we would open gifts early and try to eat Christmas dinner for lunch. After he started working first shift we held everything off as much as possible and waited for him to come home to open gifts. By that time the girls no longer believed in Santa, and being teenagers, they would rather sleep in anyway. But it would still sometimes make for a long morning since he worked until 2:00 pm. He found a lot of joy in watching me and the girls opening our gifts, and would sometimes forget he too had gifts to open. I still hung his stocking up along with all the others. There are some traditions too special to do away with. I hope that once I get the tree up and put gifts under, the Christmas spirit will start to return to me. I do have a feeling he will be there in spirit on Christmas morning, watching us all open the gifts under the tree.
Not sure if this link will work or not but it's a little video clip from a Christmas morning in 1991 on Facebook
